I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
