what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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