i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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