Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
