So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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