So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
