I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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