dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
