my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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