Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
