Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
