i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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