Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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