College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
