just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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