she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
