Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
