I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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