You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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