i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
