Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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