I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you inspire me to be a worse person
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
