8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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