The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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