not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I believe in your delicious
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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