so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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