STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
