I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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