Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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