Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
