if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just cut my nipple shaving
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
