If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
