I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
