I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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