Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Alive.
So much puke
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
