He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
