she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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