At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
