every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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