I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
one might say we're banned from that church
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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