I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
