my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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