Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
