break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
