i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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