i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
