I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
