I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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