3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
