Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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