When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
